The Hearty Soul
The Hearty Soul
July 9, 2018 ·  3 min read

Barack Obama’s Three Key Questions For Lasting, Healthy Relationships

Whether or not you believe in “The One”, one thing’s for sure – Barack and Michelle Obama are probably as close to it as you can get. People have long admired their relationship and luckily we’re getting a taste of what it takes to have a relationship like Barack and Michelle, courtesy of Barack’s former Communications Director Dan Pfeiffer. In his new book, Yes We (Still) Can, Pfeiffer reveals the invaluable relationship advice he received from the former president (1).

How Barack Obama Found “The One”

Barack and Michelle Obama’s love story began in the summer of 1988, when a then 28-year-old Barack and Michelle, who was 25 at the time, met at the law firm Sidley Austin LLP (2,3). Michelle was assigned to be Barack’s mentor at the law firm, but a month into them working together, he decided to ask her out (3). Michelle wasn’t keen on the idea at first but she eventually relented and their first date consisted of lunch at the Art Institute of Chicago and then seeing the Spike Lee film “Do The Right Thing.” (3).

Barack and Michelle were married on October 3, 1992 and Michelle noted that his heartfelt vows were a glimpse at what was to come in their marriage (3). They went on to have two daughters in 1998 and 2001 respectively, and, as we all know, Barack was elected to the presidency in 2008 (3). Their marriage has survived the toughest job anyone can have and they’ve become a source of inspiration for many couples.

The Key To Healthy Relationships – Three Questions Everyone Should Ask About Their Spouse

Pfeiffer had Obama’s wisdom imparted to him after he revealed that he planned to move in with his then-girlfriend on his last day at the White House back in 2015 (1). Obama responded to the news by revealing that he gives the same advice to everyone about marriage and that it’s important to ask yourself three specific questions about your potential spouse (1).

The first imperative question that should be asked according to Obama is “Is she someone you find interesting?” (1). He told Pfeiffer that, “You will spend more time with this person than anyone else for the rest of your life, and there is nothing more important than always wanting to hear what she has to say about things.” (1). Couldn’t have said it better myself, thanks, Obama!

The second question Obama asked Pfeiffer is “Does she make you laugh?” (1). This question doesn’t require much explanation, having a partner you can laugh with makes the relationship and life in general much more enjoyable.

The last crucial relationship question Obama asked Pfeiffer was “I don’t know if you want kids, but if you do, do you think she will be a good mom?” (1). Obama then went on to explain that, “Life is long. These are the things that really matter over the long term.” (1). Obama was definitely on to something!

The Proof Is In the Pudding

Pfieffer answered yes to all these questions and married his girlfriend Howli Ledbetter in October 2016 (1). The Obama’s celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary in October 2017 and there’s no doubting that this couple’s view on marriage is something to take note of.

Asking yourself Obama’s three key questions before you take the next step with your partner is a great way to know for sure that you’re doing the right thing.

(1)Wong, B. (2018, July 3). Barack Obama Said This Is How You Know You’ve Found “The One”. Retrieved from

(2)Wood, G. (2008, November 9). Barack and Michelle: a Chicago love story. The Guardian. Retrieved from

(3) Salaky, K. (2017, October 3). Everything you need to know about Barack and Michelle Obama’s love story – from the law office to the Oval Office. Retrieved from