Especially with that first baby, many couples would find it difficult adjusting to the responsibilities that come with a tiny little bundle of joy – especially when there is more than one. The sleepless nights are the hardest, but what’s even harder is finding a level ground to split baby responsibilities so no one feels cheated or burned out. It’s not uncommon to find most moms complaining that they are left to do everything for the baby when the husband ditches baby duties .
Well, this mom found the perfect trick, and it worked like magic for her . On a Reddit forum called “Am I the A**Hole, (AITA)”, a user named FinalWintersEve asked forum members to judge her case and give her a verdict . She’s been voted “Not The A**Hole” for decisively turning off the Wi-Fi whenever her husband tries to avoid his duties to their baby twins by sitting with his phone in the bathroom (a crime we’re all guilty of at some point).
She tried to discuss the issue, but it was no use.
He initially claimed he was spending too much time in the bathroom right after meals due to routine medication, but according to the doctor, it’s highly unlikely that the drug is having such a weird effect on him, multiple times a week.
“I would rather let him use the restroom first than have to put down a baby mid-task, but over the past couple months, he has been spending more and more time in there. He always takes his phone. He is always watching YouTube. His average session is 25 minutes in there, often longer, rarely shorter,” the poster wrote.
Feeding the twins became a major difficulty for her. Both kids are supposed to be fed at the same time, but he’d spend so much time in the bathroom that she’d end up rush-feeding one baby with the other crying for food. She explained that she’s talked to him about this attitude and he denied the allegation.
“Yesterday was a week and a half since I started truly keeping track, and he, only twice in 10 days, not ditched me to go camp out in the bathroom and let me finish 80% of the childcare. Today I started a new rule. If he is in the bathroom for more than 10 minutes, I flip the Wi-Fi off. He has not spent more than 15 minutes in the bathroom at a stretch today but is extremely upset. I feel like the fact that without the Wi-Fi his uncontrollable toilet issue cleared up rather quickly proves why it needs to be done, but he feels I am being unreasonable, and I need to make sure sleep deprivation isn’t making me an asshole.”
Reactions and opinions
As usual, most people had strong opinions about an issue that they’ve all had experiences with – directly or indirectly. Many moms in the comment section regretted not taking the poster’s approach when they had baby trouble with their husbands. The original poster added that her husband also has a habit of spending too much time playing video games or working in his car, activities that shouldn’t interfere with his baby duties.
A powerful comment from one user read: “NTA. Dad-of-three here, he needs to step it up. I strongly recommend couples counseling. Being a new parent is hard in ways you have never experienced so you don’t have coping strategies at all, let alone healthy ones. A pro can help you identify and talk through things constructively. Oddly the best thing might be for you to leave the house entirely and really let him feel the weight of parenting the babies. He will have no choice but to care for them.”
A commenter blamed both spouses for the situation: “Both. YTA because you said ‘today I started a new rule.’ Talk to your spouse. I’m not sure if he is shirking duties or not, but this relationship feels more mother and son than wife and husband. Punishing him isn’t going to magically turn him into a better father. TALK.”
I don’t think this guy actually understood that there are two children here, not a son.
Another commenter considered the entire situation and wrote: “NTA. Turning off the Wi-Fi is very clever. He should concentrate on what he’s doing when he’s in the restroom. It is quite unsanitary to be sitting on the throne doing your business AND playing with your cellphone or whatever at the same time. I would insist that he see his doctor as spending 15-25 minutes in the toilet at a stretch is not anywhere near normal. His issues may be physical, they may be psychological, it may be that he’s just an asshole, but something strange is going on here that requires a professional to help sort.”
In my opinion, with no gender bias, she is definitely Not The A**hole. If truly he is spending such long periods in the toilet due to a medical reason, then the Wi-Fi shouldn’t matter. He should also be more concerned about his health.
No one should try to get out of helping with TWINS! Where one baby is hard enough, two can drive an exhausted mom nuts. It’s important to pitch in wholeheartedly since spouses have equal responsibilities to the children. This is the 21st century and not the medieval age. Moms shouldn’t be overworked and shamed for complaining.
- Raising Kids and Running a Household: How Working Parents Share the Load. Pew Research Center. https://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2015/11/04/raising-kids-and-running-a-household-how-working-parents-share-the-load/. Retrieved 22-01-2020
- Jen McGuire. Mom Turns Off Wi-Fi When Husband Hides From Baby Duty In The Bathroom. Romper. https://www.romper.com/p/mom-turns-off-wifi-when-husband-hides-from-baby-duty-in-the-bathroom-20516052. Retrieved 22-01-2020
- FinalWintersEve. AITA for turning off the wifi when my husband camps in the bathroom for extended lengths of time. Reddit. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/elpvjj/aita_for_turning_off_the_wifi_when_my_husband/. Retrieved 22-01-2020