Living the life you want often requires more than just hard work and ambition. It also means learning from those who have already achieved success. I’ve been fortunate to meet and learn from many brilliant individuals, each offering nuggets of wisdom that have shaped my journey. On my 33rd birthday, I compiled a list of 33 lessons I’ve borrowed from these smart people. These insights have guided me, and I hope they can do the same for you. Here they are, in no particular order.
1. There’s No Such Thing as ‘Quality’ Time
Jerry Seinfeld’s concept of “quality time versus garbage time” has transformed how I view my daily interactions. He suggests that every moment, no matter how mundane, can be valuable if you approach it with the right mindset. Instead of waiting for special moments to connect with loved ones, I’ve learned to cherish everyday experiences. Seinfeld’s idea pairs well with Robert Greene’s concept of “alive time versus dead time,” which emphasizes making every second count. These principles have helped me stay present and appreciate life’s little moments, according to Ryan Holiday.
2. Forgiveness is Essential
David French’s insight that “human beings need forgiveness like we need oxygen” is a powerful reminder of the role grace plays in our lives. A world devoid of forgiveness is a world filled with misery. Whether it’s in personal relationships or societal interactions, forgiveness fosters peace and understanding. Holding onto grudges only breeds bitterness. By embracing forgiveness, we allow ourselves and others to move forward and grow.
3. Learn from What You Do, Not Just Where You Do It
A valuable piece of advice I’ve received is to choose opportunities based on what you will learn, not how much you will earn. It’s easy to be lured by lucrative offers or glamorous locations, but the real value lies in experiences that teach you something new. Whether it’s a job, a project, or a conversation, the potential for growth should always be the deciding factor. This approach has helped me prioritize learning and personal development over immediate rewards.
4. Keep Moving Forward
Amelia Earhart’s motto, “Always think with your stick forward,” encapsulates the importance of momentum. In life, as in flying, slowing down can be dangerous. To achieve our goals, we must keep moving, pushing forward even when the path is unclear. This mindset has helped me stay focused and resilient, even in the face of setbacks. It’s a reminder that progress often requires perseverance and a willingness to embrace the unknown.
5. Reread and Rewatch: You’re Never the Same Person Twice
Heraclitus famously said, “No man steps in the same river twice.” This idea applies to books, movies, and even experiences. Rereading a book or rewatching a film can offer new insights because both you and the world around you have changed. I’ve made it a habit to revisit my favorite works periodically, knowing that each encounter will bring something new. It’s a practice that has deepened my understanding and appreciation of the things I love.
6. Value Your Time
At a gathering at Neil Strauss’s house, I learned the importance of valuing my time. Strauss had everyone calculate their hourly worth by dividing their annual income by the number of hours they work. The lesson was clear: if you can pay someone to do a task for less than your hourly rate, do it. This was a difficult concept for me to embrace, but it has since made my life significantly easier. By focusing on high-value activities, I’ve been able to achieve more with less stress.
7. Focus on Process, Not Outcomes
Cheryl Strayed once highlighted the distinction between writing and publishing, emphasizing the importance of the process over the outcome. This lesson applies to all creative endeavors. As you become more experienced, you’ll find that focusing on the process naturally leads to better results. The obsession with outcomes can lead to stress and disappointment, whereas a commitment to the process ensures steady progress and improvement.
8. Practice Scales in Your Craft
Just as musicians practice scales, it’s essential to practice the basics in any craft. I adopted a notecard system from Robert Greene that serves as my version of scales. This practice helps me refine my skills and stay sharp in my work. Whatever your field, find a way to regularly practice the fundamentals. This consistent effort will lead to mastery over time.
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9. Don’t Be Afraid to Say No
Steve Kamb, founder of NerdFitness.com, taught me that the best excuse is a simple rule: “I have a rule that I don’t decide on the phone.” People respect rules, and this approach has saved me from countless uncomfortable situations. It’s not about rejecting people; it’s about setting boundaries that protect your time and energy. Having clear rules makes it easier to say no without feeling guilty.
10. Invest in Relationships
A French journalist once told me that love is best spelled T-I-M-E. This simple yet profound statement has shaped how I approach my relationships. Time is the most valuable gift you can give to those you care about. Whether it’s family, friends, or colleagues, investing time in people strengthens bonds and creates lasting connections. Prioritizing relationships over material pursuits has brought me immense joy and fulfillment.
11. Take Criticism Seriously, but Not Solutions
Over the years, I’ve learned that when someone tells you something is wrong, they’re usually right. However, when they offer solutions, they’re often wrong. This wisdom applies to both writing and life. Criticism can be a valuable tool for growth, but it’s essential to trust your judgment when it comes to finding the right solutions. By listening carefully to feedback and then crafting your path forward, you can avoid common pitfalls and achieve better outcomes.
12. The Importance of Forgiveness
David French’s insight that “human beings need forgiveness like we need oxygen” is a powerful reminder of the role grace plays in our lives. A world devoid of forgiveness is a world filled with misery. Whether it’s in personal relationships or societal interactions, forgiveness fosters peace and understanding. Holding onto grudges only breeds bitterness. By embracing forgiveness, we allow ourselves and others to move forward and grow.
13. Revisit Old Lessons
Heraclitus said, “No man steps in the same river twice,” and this wisdom has stuck with me. The idea is that you and the world change over time, so it’s beneficial to revisit books, films, and experiences you’ve had before. Each time, you’ll discover something new because you’re seeing it with fresh eyes. This practice has enriched my life, deepening my understanding of concepts I thought I had fully grasped.
14. The Power of Saying No
Steve Kamb, the founder of NerdFitness.com, introduced me to the power of a simple rule: “I have a rule that I don’t decide on the phone.” This approach has saved me from many awkward situations. It’s not about being unkind but about setting boundaries that protect your time and energy. People respect rules, and by having clear ones, you can navigate requests and demands with ease.
15. Focus on Learning, Not Earning
I forget who said this, but it has stayed with me: “Go to what will teach you the most, not what will pay the most.” This mindset has helped me prioritize growth over immediate financial gain. By focusing on opportunities that challenge me and expand my knowledge, I’ve been able to develop skills that have ultimately led to greater success. It’s a long-term strategy that pays off in ways you can’t immediately see.
16. The Value of Minimalism
Charlamagne Tha God’s alter ego, “Frugal Vandross,” taught me that the less expensive stuff you have, the less there is to worry about. Embracing minimalism has simplified my life, reducing stress and freeing up mental space for more important things. It’s not about depriving yourself but about focusing on what truly matters. This mindset has allowed me to live more intentionally and with greater clarity.
17. The Importance of Reading
George Raveling, a legendary basketball coach, views reading as a moral imperative. He reminds us that many people fought and died for the right to read, and by neglecting books, we betray that legacy. General James Mattis echoes this sentiment, stating that if you haven’t read widely, you are “functionally illiterate.” Reading is not just a pastime; it’s a responsibility. By engaging with a wide range of texts, we honor those who came before us and enrich our understanding of the world.
18. The Dance of Conflict
Clinical psychologist Sue Johnson teaches that when people fight, they’re often not really fighting; they’re doing a dance about attachment. This insight has changed how I view conflicts in my relationships. It’s not about winning or losing but understanding the underlying needs and emotions that drive the dance. By recognizing this pattern, I’ve been able to navigate disagreements with greater empathy and effectiveness.
19. You Don’t Have to Invest Everything
James Altucher once pointed out that you don’t have to make your money grow. Sometimes, it’s okay just to have it, spend it, or let it sit there. This was a revelation for me, as I used to feel constant pressure to optimize every penny. Altucher’s advice has freed me from the stress of always trying to make my money work for me. Now, I can enjoy the fruits of my labor without feeling guilty for not maximizing every opportunity.
20. Be Intentional About Relaxation
Once, while I was in the pool with my wife, I couldn’t stop suggesting activities. Eventually, she said, “You know, you can just be in the pool.” This simple statement made me realize how much I struggle to relax and be present. I’ve since made it a point to practice mindfulness and embrace moments of stillness. Relaxation isn’t about doing nothing; it’s about being fully engaged in the moment, whether you’re resting or playing.
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21. The Importance of Consistency
Robert Greene, author of “The 48 Laws of Power,” taught me the value of consistency. He likens the notecard system I use for writing to the scales musicians practice. By consistently working on the basics, we can achieve mastery in our chosen field. This lesson has helped me stay disciplined and focused on the long-term goal, even when the daily grind feels tedious.
22. The Joy of Learning
There’s a saying that if you learn, you can do anything. I’ve found this to be true in my life. Whether it’s reading, attending workshops, or seeking mentorship, the pursuit of knowledge has opened doors I never thought possible. The joy of learning has kept me curious and motivated, driving me to explore new ideas and challenge my assumptions.
23. Value Your Time
Neil Strauss once had everyone at a gathering calculate their hourly worth by dividing their annual income by the number of hours they work. The takeaway was clear: if you can pay someone to do a task for less than your hourly rate, do it. This mindset has helped me delegate tasks and focus on high-value activities. By valuing my time, I’ve been able to achieve more while maintaining a better work-life balance.
24. The Power of Habits
James Clear’s book, “Atomic Habits,” taught me that small, consistent actions can lead to significant changes over time. By focusing on building good habits, I’ve been able to make steady progress toward my goals. This approach has helped me overcome procrastination and stay disciplined, even when motivation wanes. The power of habits lies in their ability to compound, leading to exponential growth in the long run.
25. The Importance of Gratitude
I once read that gratitude is the key to happiness. This simple practice has had a profound impact on my life. By regularly reflecting on the things I’m thankful for, I’ve cultivated a positive mindset that helps me navigate challenges with grace. Gratitude has also strengthened my relationships, as it encourages me to express appreciation for the people in my life.
26. Embrace Change
Change is inevitable, and resisting it only leads to frustration. I’ve learned to embrace change as an opportunity for growth. Whether it’s a new job, a move to a different city, or a shift in relationships, I try to approach change with an open mind and a willingness to adapt. This mindset has helped me stay resilient in the face of uncertainty and thrive in new environments.
27. Take Care of Your Health
Your health is your most valuable asset. I’ve learned the importance of taking care of my body and mind through regular exercise, a balanced diet, and mindfulness practices. By prioritizing my well-being, I’ve been able to maintain the energy and focus needed to pursue my goals. This lesson has reminded me that success is meaningless if you don’t have the health to enjoy it.
28. The Value of Reflection
Reflecting on your experiences is crucial for personal growth. I’ve made it a habit to regularly review my actions, decisions, and outcomes to learn from them. This practice has helped me identify patterns, avoid repeating mistakes, and make more informed choices. Reflection is not just about looking back; it’s about using past experiences to shape a better future.
29. The Power of Community
No one achieves success alone. I’ve learned the importance of building and nurturing a supportive community. Whether it’s family, friends, colleagues, or mentors, surrounding yourself with positive, like-minded individuals can provide encouragement, guidance, and opportunities. Investing in your community has brought me a sense of belonging and helped me navigate the challenges of life.
30. The Joy of Giving
There’s a unique joy in giving, whether it’s your time, resources, or knowledge. I’ve found that helping others not only benefits them but also brings fulfillment to my own life. Giving has deepened my connections with others and created a ripple effect of positivity. This lesson has taught me that success is not just about what you achieve but also about how you contribute to the well-being of those around you.
31. The Importance of Forgiveness
David French’s insight that “human beings need forgiveness like we need oxygen” is a powerful reminder of the role grace plays in our lives. A world devoid of forgiveness is a world filled with misery. Whether it’s in personal relationships or societal interactions, forgiveness fosters peace and understanding. Holding onto grudges only breeds bitterness. By embracing forgiveness, we allow ourselves and others to move forward and grow.
32. The Art of Letting Go
Sometimes, the best thing you can do is let go. Whether it’s a failed project, a toxic relationship, or a missed opportunity, holding on to the past can prevent you from moving forward. I’ve learned that letting go is not about giving up but about making space for new possibilities. This lesson has helped me release what no longer serves me and focus on what lies ahead.
33. The Power of Gratitude
I once read that gratitude is the key to happiness. This simple practice has had a profound impact on my life. By regularly reflecting on the things I’m thankful for, I’ve cultivated a positive mindset that helps me navigate challenges with grace. Gratitude has also strengthened my relationships, as it encourages me to express appreciation for the people in my life.
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