Death is one of the most difficult topics to address. Most people prefer to avoid it, and hardly anyone knows the correct thing to say when the topic arises. One woman has shared a heartbreaking tale of the moments she lost her son and some helpful phrases to offer comfort to those in end-of-life care.
Comforting Loved Ones

A few years ago, Jenny Harrington shared a story about the death of her son and how she was there for him during his end-of-life care. She explained that he had cancer and had been through a series of treatments before ultimately succumbing to his illness. Her experience is heartbreaking and most parents can’t imagine the pain she’s suffered. However, she learned an important lesson while her son was receiving end-of-life care, and it’s a lesson she shared with others.
Three Phrases

In most cases, people face emotional turmoil when losing people they love. As such, they rarely think of how their feelings or emotions will impact the person receiving end-of-life care. However, here are three comforting phrases that the bereaved mother told her son and herself as a reminder that comfort can be found anywhere, even in death.
1. End-of-Life care Doesn’t Have to be Solitary

One of the most comforting things a person can do for those in end-of-life care is remind us that we are not alone, loved and supported. The little boy was reassured by his mother, “You will not be alone.”
She explained: “Letting him know you will not be alone was important because he was human— a social, silly, lovable animal. As the youngest of our four children, he was accustomed to chatter and chaos.”
She added: “Fast-forward to this Monday afternoon when he had just been informed he was going to die. He was heading into the biggest and most unknown of all experiences. He needed to hear he would not be alone.”
2. Pain isn’t always Associated with End-of-Life Care

As a young man battling cancer, her son had experienced inexplicable pain and discomfort. However, as his mother, she wanted to reassure him. To comfort him from the “tremendous amount of pain over the past two years.”
The pain and pressure in his body from the illness. The pain of walking and his treatment. After all, there were treatments, blood draws, spinal taps, and bone marrow biopsies. Furthermore, she had watched her baby’s painful experiences with his illness, facing headaches and nausea, and “social and emotional suffering.”
“You will not feel pain was important because he needed to hear that although we could no longer contain the cancer, we could soothe his nerves,” she explained.
3. “We will be okay.”

She said this was the hardest because she “simply didn’t believe it.”
“I had a clasping, nearly crushing hold on hope up until the very moment I heard, “Your son is dying,” she added. “I thought he would pull through and somehow live the long, glorious, trouble-free life that he deserved. How could I ever hold hope close again?” The heartbroken mother questioned.
However, Harrington explained this was also one of the most important statements she told her son during his end-of-life care because “Even in the face of his own mortality, with a life-threatening illness, he was thinking of others.” She explained. “He would not be okay unless he knew we were okay. He loved us beyond measure. We did our best to love him back the same amount.”
Read More: End-of-life Doctor Discusses What People Say in The Final Days Before Death
Magic in Words

The grieving mother calls these the “Three Magic Phrases.” She used them to comfort her son in his final days, if not to comfort herself. While they provide emotional comfort, they aren’t the only means of comforting your loved ones during their end-of-life care. Rather, supporting loved ones and providing them comfort can be done in numerous ways, all equally invaluable to those we love.
Unique End-of-Life Care Needs

Firstly, end-of-life care and experiences will be unique to each person. Therefore, being open-minded to trying new solutions will be helpful. For instance, some people will prefer to be at home, while others prefer to be in a hospital or facility, receiving treatment. Meanwhile, some people prefer to pass alone, and others want to be surrounded by the people they love.
End-of-Life Care May Be Long-Lasting

Secondly, end-of-life care refers to “the support and medical care given during the time surrounding death.” Unsurprisingly, despite its name, end-of-life care doesn’t only refer to the moments before the last breath. Rather, older people often have painful or chronic illnesses and may require daily support, for weeks or months before passing.
Types of End-of-Life Care

According to the National Institute of Health, end-of-life care may be spiritual, mental, emotional, physical, or practical. One way to thoroughly support someone in end-of-life care is to ask what they need or want. Furthermore, offering to run errands, help out around the house., or do meal prep, as all are helpful and may be vital to ensuring your loved one is comfortable.
Offering Physical Comfort

Surprisingly, not everyone who is receiving end-of-life care will feel pain. Rather, some merely have mobility or fine motor difficulties. Some people may experience an erratic breathing pattern or may seemingly struggle to breathe, which can be helped by lying the person on their side or elevating their head. In some cases, medication may help. Fortunately, their breathing patterns aren’t uncomfortable or painful. However, they may be unsettling or concerning to loved ones.
Some people may experience dry skin, irritation, or rashes. These can be helped by rubbing ice chips or a cool, damp rag on their lips, keeping them well hydrated (if their health care provider doesn’t advise against it), and applying barrier creams or medicated ointments to hold moisture. Alternately, some may experience temperature sensitivity. Maintain a steady temperature that suits the dying person, turning up the temperature or adding and taking away layers or blankets as needed.
Additional Comforting Words

Providing comfort to a dying loved one can be difficult, emotionally and physically. However, it’s something most people feel compelled to do. Luckily, supportive or encouraging words can be astonishingly powerful. Here are some examples, according to a hospice nurse:
- Talking with them about the special times you’ve had together.
- Ask them to tell you about their favorite memories.
- Actively listen and be attentive while they’re talking.
- Say “I love you” often.
- Thank them for allowing you to be there or for times they’ve helped you or made you feel comforted or supported.
- Forgive them for their past mistakes. (Some people are more receptive than others, so you may not want to tell them that you’ve forgiven them, but the act of forgiveness can help ease tension and make everyone in the room feel more comfortable.
Although it’s more common to address the end-of-life needs of elderly people, some parents face an unimaginable struggle: the pain of having a child with a terminal illness. There are resources, support groups, and teams of healthcare providers who are available 24 hours a day to offer support, guidance, or advice. Harrington’s story is a beacon of light for countless parents undergoing unimaginable struggles watching their little ones succumb to poor health.
Read More: End Of Life Medical Staff Can Predict That Death Is Near When Patients Experience This Pheonomen