2. “You Always…” / “You Never…”
Absolutes feel satisfying to say when you’re frustrated. They capture the weight of something that keeps happening. But the moment those words leave your mouth, the conversation is no longer about the issue. It’s about the accusation.
Sweeping generalizations like “you always ruin things” or “you never listen” register as dismissive and unfair. The person on the receiving end isn’t thinking about what they did wrong anymore. They’re building a case for why the accusation isn’t true.
The fix is specific language. Instead of “you never make time for me,” try “I felt pushed aside when our plans changed last week.” The first is a verdict. The second is a conversation opener. One creates defensiveness; the other creates space.