Bruce Abrahamse

Bruce Abrahamse

January 27, 2025

We Can Learn a Lot About Intimacy From the Dutch

The Dutch are renowned for being rather straightforward and direct in all aspects of life, and sex education is no exception. Folk from the Netherlands are also known to be liberal and open-minded, and sex is not such a taboo subject as it is in the States. In fact, Americans can learn a lot about intimacy from their Dutch counterparts. 

How Americans and the Dutch Differ in Terms of Discussing Sex

classroom
Credit: Pexels

For American children, the experience is quite standard – around the age of 12, they are all gathered in the auditorium of the school and shown an educational film on sex. The video explained how girls’ bodies mature and change over time, how the menstrual cycle works, and how females become pregnant. All in all, it is typically a very technical and clinical lesson on what is usually a rather intimate and loving experience. Of course, they also learn about the various dangers associated with sexual encounters, including the horrible diseases one could contract. So, how does this differ from the Dutch students’ experience regarding sex education?

Dutch Sex Education

teacher and class
Credit: Pexels

Students in the Netherlands are taught about sex education in a totally different manner than those in the States. They focus on imparting the idea that sex requires loving relationships – both with themselves and each other. Additionally, they are taught that sex can be fun. This would completely enrage the majority of conservative parents in America where sex is basically considered a sin by many. Dutch sex education also starts much earlier than American sex education, with lessons starting as young as four years old. It is all very age-appropriate, though, with the little ones learning about concepts such as consent, respect, and their bodies. 

How the Dutch View Sex Education at Home

classroom
Credit: Pexels

Sex education is seen as a collaborative endeavor between the youth’s school and their parents in the Netherlands. Unlike American adolescents, most teenagers in the Netherlands feel comfortable discussing sex with their parents. They have no reason to resort to creeping around behind their parents’ backs or awkwardly groping in the back of the family car. It’s also quite commonplace to see your son or daughter’s partner at the breakfast table. In fact, around two-thirds of Dutch teenagers say that their parents allow their children’s boyfriend or girlfriend to stay over. According to one Dutch parent, “I’d rather have my daughter at home where I can be there for her if she needs me, and I can get to know her boyfriend better.” 

Surprisingly Low Dutch Pregnancy Rates

kids in a classroom
Credit: Pexels

So, does the fact that the Dutch are liberal about intimacy and sex education make them promiscuous? Well, you might find it surprising that Dutch teen pregnancy and birth rates are actually very low. America, on the other hand, has the highest birth rate among teens in the entire developed world! In fact, American birth rates are six times higher than in the Netherlands! This alone is a great indicator of how effective the Dutch sex education system really is. 

Read More: A Child’s Brain Develops Faster With Exposure to Music Education

More Differences in Intimacy and Sex Education

teacher talking about intimacy in a classroom
Credit: Pexels

Teenagers in the Netherlands also tend to have their first sexual encounters a bit later than those in the United States. When they eventually engaged in sex, the vast majority of Dutch people say that it was a pleasant and enjoyable experience. The majority of American teens, on the other hand, say they should have waited longer than they did. The reason for this is that Dutch intimacy classes educate students about boundaries, loving relationships, and respect. Consent forms the basis of their first sex education lessons. Additionally, Dutch children are taught to say no until they feel ready. 

Birth Control and Contraception

teacher in fromt of class
Credit: Pexels

Dutch teenagers are taught to use contraceptives from a young age, and condoms can easily be obtained from vending machines in many public restrooms, supermarkets, and schools. This has also resulted in lower rates of sexually transmitted diseases compared to teens in the UK and US. Birth control is also available for free to any girl under 21 years of age. 

The Gender Component

school boy and teacher
Credit: Pexels

There is also a definite gender component to consider, and that’s where the Dutch handle things quite differently. According to author Amy T. Schalet, the Dutch “leave room for boys to think of themselves as romantic, of having feelings. And it’s not that American boys aren’t romantic, it’s that everything in their culture tells them that they shouldn’t be.” Dutch children are also taught that there is nothing wrong with people of the same sex loving each other, which helps prevent hate crimes and violence later in life. 

The Bottom Line on Dutch and American Views on Intimacy

children in classroom
Credit: Pexels

In Dutch sex education classes, no sex-related topic is off limits, especially in the later grades. oral sex and masturbation are even common topics of conversation in Dutch sex education classes. While we may all have our views about what is appropriate to teach children when it comes to sex, the proof is in the numbers. The Dutch approach to teaching kids about intimacy has led to a culture of open discussion and positive sexuality. 

Read More: Humanoid ‘Intimacy Robot’ Priced at $175,000: The Future of Companionship?