'Collapsed' Narcissists Often Exhibit These 15 Troubling Traits : The Hearty Soul

The term “narcissist” is commonly used to insult self-serving and malicious people. But in psychological terms, the official diagnosis of a narcissist is more neutral. People with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) may behave selfishly and cruelly to hide shame and extremely low self-esteem. When they endure a blow, like a rejection or humiliation, they may reach a breaking point, feeling as if the situation is validating all of their deep-rooted self-criticisms. This can lead to what’s known as a narcissistic collapse, and their symptoms can become debilitating.

What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

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In general, narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition where a person displays a sense of grandiosity, a need for admiration, a sense of entitlement, self-preoccupation, and a lack of empathy, according to Harvard Health. Alexandra Cromer, a Licensed Professional Counselor with Thriveworks in Richmond, VA, explains that people with NPD lack a certain self-awareness. To Very Well Mind, he says these individuals don’t have “a lot of insight into how [their] thoughts, behaviors, [and] actions impact other people, and it tends to be an enduring character trait, that while symptoms can be managed, that’s something that’s always going to be present.”

Every Collapse is Different

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Keep in mind, narcissism exists on a spectrum, so everyone can relate to a collapse to some extent. But people with narcissistic personality disorder can have extreme reactions, although every case is different. The responses can depend on what triggered the collapse, the type of narcissism involved, and the personality of the individuals. But the signs tend to include some of the following:

Signs of Narcissistic Collapse

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Intense, angry outbursts
Defensive behaviors
Depression
Increased physical or verbal aggression
Increased perceived rejection
Irritability
Increased sensitivity
Erratic and uncharacteristic behavior
Anxiety
Manipulation tactics like the silent treatment and stonewalling
Self-harm
Vindictive behaviors
Withdrawal from others
Unsafe behaviors like excessive drinking, substance use, gambling, reckless driving, etc.
Suicide attempts

What Causes a Narcissistic Collapse?

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Bear in mind, “collapsed narcissist” or “narcissistic collapse” are not official medical terms. Although this kind of breakdown hasn’t been studied in depth, many psychologists have noticed this pattern. Every case has a different trigger, but the breakdown indicates a “collapse” of self-worth and self-identity. Cromer explains triggers may be significant or minor — either way they lead to a massive loss of ego.

“A self-defense technique”

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Common triggers tend to be a romantic breakup or being laid off at work. But they can also seem small. For instance, a child disobeying is a massive trigger if the narcissist identifies as being the perfect parent. “A collapse can also be triggered as a self-defense technique if they feel their self-image or self-esteem is being threatened,” explains Dr. Alexander Lapa, a psychiatrist at Ocean Recovery Centre in the UK, to Psych Central. Therefore, a loss of validation or a wounded ego can crush their confident facade.

Living with a Collapsed Narcissist

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People close to collapsed narcissists may feel like they’re “walking on eggshells” around them, says Craig Malkin, psychologist and author of “Rethinking Narcissism,” to Business Insider. “There’s this feeling of the air being sucked out of the room and that you’re failing if you’re not attending at all times to their pain and their suffering,” he said. Narcissists may express their pain but be unable to explain why it hurts, often because that requires vulnerability. This puts people around them in a difficult situation, because the narcissist may berate them and demand attention, but it’s not someone else’s job to fix their ego. Therefore, Cromer recommends having a good support system that doesn’t include the narcissist to stay grounded and self-assured.

How to Survive a Narcissistic Collapse

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Victims of narcissists may enjoy the idea of bringing these people down a peg. However, triggering a narcissistic collapse can worsen the underlying insecurities and lead to more conflict and lashing out, says BBC Science Focus. Instead, mental health experts help clients with NPD by encouraging them to build a healthier source of self-esteem and develop more empathy. Cromer recommends they find a sense of self that doesn’t depend on others. Those who are willing to work on themselves and admit they’re part of the problem are most likely to recover, especially with the help of professional counseling. Although many narcissists are resistant to change, there are strategies available to help them navigate a collapse and avoid another in the future.