It used to be that the only people you heard talking about sobriety were those who had a drinking problem. Today, however, more and more people are choosing to go sober for reasons other than addiction. While the benefits of sobriety are often extolled for their impact on physical well-being, the lesser-known social implications of choosing a life without alcohol go unexplored. Karolina Kozmana, who embarked on the journey of sobriety, shares her poignant tale of the rollercoaster ride that ensued as she navigated through the rough waters of social sobriety.
The Spark of Sobriety: A Glimpse Into a New Beginning

After reaching the age of thirty, where she found her priorities and perspectives underwent a transformative shift, Kozmana found herself at a crossroads. It was at this juncture that she decided to bid adieu to alcohol, a choice that would ultimately redefine not just her evenings but the very fabric of her social interactions. (1)
Her initial days of sobriety were marked by a sense of liberation, a newfound clarity, and significant cost savings. The widely acknowledged adage, “I often regretted drinking but I never regretted not drinking,” rang true in Kozmana’s life. Yet, beneath the surface of these perceived benefits lay a plethora of unforeseen social side effects that awaited her on this uncharted path.
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Navigating Social Sobriety: The Unexpected Consequences

If you decide to give up alcohol, this decision’s impact on your social life will highly depend on you, your friend group, your reasons for drinking in the first place, and your personality, likes, and dislikes. For example, some people will sing karaoke and dance like no one is watching regardless of their level of intoxication. Others find that even just to go to a party they need a little liquid courage. Some people do lots of different activities with their friends, while for others friend hangouts almost exclusively mean drinking. All of this will impact how much sobriety will affect your social life. The following are based on Karolina’s experience, as well as the experiences of some others, which may or may not end up reflecting your own. (2)
1. Interactions with Others

One of the most common side effects that Kozmana encountered was the perplexed reactions of people around her. Friends and acquaintances struggled to comprehend her choice and often probed with questions that ranged from genuine curiosity to unfounded assumptions of judgment. The mere act of opting out of alcohol unwittingly made her a subject of scrutiny and speculation.
Kozmana says she has found it’s best to just be honest with people about why you aren’t drinking. She explained that people will ask permission if they are okay if they still have a drink. Your conscious choice to not drink will make people realize that it is, in fact, a choice, not just a social given. This will make them feel bad and maybe even judged about their decision to have a drink.
“If we’re not all in this together, people’s choices reveal themselves as choices and not as a default. Consequently, they think that you are judging them when in reality they are faced with the need to evaluate their own behavior for the first time,” she said.
2. Shift in Social Dynamics

As Kozmana embraced life without alcohol, the dynamics of her friendships underwent a profound transformation. Some friends rallied around her, adapting their meetups to accommodate her choice, while others drifted away, unable or unwilling to navigate this new terrain. The once-vibrant social circle that thrived on alcohol-fueled gatherings now stood at a crossroads, revealing the true substance of these relationships when stripped of liquid courage.
3. The Loneliness of Sobriety

The stark reality of sobriety hit Kozmana the hardest when she realized that her social calendar had dwindled. People stopped inviting her to things, fearing that she wouldn’t have fun because she wasn’t drinking. They will also think you are less fun. The reality is, depending on you as an individual, you might be “less fun” – according to this group’s definition of what a “fun” person is. In many cases, drinking means someone is not uptight, they will drink and get silly and be more likely to do certain things, like get up and dance barefoot in a bar. The sober reality she faced unraveled the facade of camaraderie that existed solely within the realm of intoxication, prompting her to reassess the depth and authenticity of most of her friendships.
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4. A Struggle for Authentic Connection

The absence of alcohol not only stripped away inhibitions but also laid bare the challenges of forging genuine connections in a world where social lubricants often overshadow raw vulnerability. Think about how many times you’ve had drunken heart-to-hearts with your friends, and how afterward you hug them saying “oh, I just love you!” and you feel closer together. Without alcohol, those times likely would not have happened. Kozmana grappled with the discomfort of baring her soul without the crutch of liquid courage, navigating the intricacies of socializing with heightened self-awareness and unfiltered emotions.
Alcohol often brings about a certain amount of social bonding with it. You may find it harder to get to know new people. Connecting with co-workers might also be more difficult, as you are the only one not getting drunk with the team at the monthly after-work social hour. Depending on your family, navigating holidays and family gatherings might be more challenging, as well.
5. Difficulty Dating

Navigating the dating world is challenging enough, let alone doing it without a little bit of liquid courage. Often the first date is simply grabbing a drink to get to know each other. This can become awkward when you don’t drink. For many people, they want a partner who drinks, at least a little bit. Someone to have a glass of wine with on a nice dinner out or to have a cocktail by the pool on vacation. When you choose not to drink, that tells your partner that, should they choose to date you, they will have to do that alone or forgo the drink alongside you.
6. Going Out Will Be Tougher

Even for the biggest of extroverts, certain parts about going out will be harder. When you are the only sober one in the room, you will see things for how they really are, rather than distorted by alcohol. People will seem more obnoxious, you’ll be annoyed more easily by the loudness, the people constantly bumping into you, or the close talker who doesn’t realize how loudly they’re speaking. Your partner or your best friend, who is normally charming and cool, will seem embarrassed and uncooperative.
You will also get tired more quickly. When everyone else wants to go to a second or even third bar or club, you’ll want to go home. Everyone else will be suggesting to meet up at 10 pm when you’ll be urging for an earlier start time. You’ll find yourself yawning just when everyone else is getting revved up. This can feel very isolating.
Going Sober to Find Yourself

Ultimately, quitting drinking will teach you a lot about yourself and your friends. As Kozmana discovered, many of her friendships didn’t extend any deeper than the bottom of a bottle. As she began navigating the world and the various kinds of social situations we find ourselves in, she began to learn a lot about herself. Not drinking forced her to do some self-reflection and some very tough personal work. While she did lose most of her friends, the ones she kept were of higher quality. It also opened her up to forging new friendships based on shared hobbies, rather than an intoxicated state of mind. Remember, these are the experiences of Karolina Kozmana. You can read more about the impact going sober had on her social life here. Your reality may look a lot different from hers. If you already spend enough sober time with your friends, then perhaps the impact of sobriety will be much less profound. Whatever your case, don’t let fear of losing stop you from making the choice to give up alcohol. What you will gain will be much more valuable.
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