Why We Shouldn’t Force Our Kids to Have Relationships With Emotionally Abusive Relatives

It’s likely that we would all imagine that grandmothers are obligated to love their grandchildren. However, Jazmine isn’t the first to comment on how one of her grandmothers was undoubtedly partial to her youngest brother. 

She recalls this realization to be glaring, loud and hurtful throughout her childhood. 

Before a child is even able to formulate words, they can sense these feelings. Before Jazmine could even hold a conversation, she noticed the difference. At 5-years old she tried to grasp the tiny bit of logic that her kindergarten brain could rationalize the difference in treatment between her and her brother. 

“She has to baby him… He doesn’t know any better.. He’s the youngest”. As the years went by Jazmine realized that she could no longer use her logic to stop her heartache anymore. 

For whatever reason, Jazmine’s grandmother loved her brother more than she loved her, and it wasn’t just young Jazmine that noticed this – her parents, aunts, and even her other grandparents all made attempts to try and explain her grandmother’s behavior. 

While her grandmother would deny any confrontation, and blame Jazmine for not being the same go-getter as her brother, there were other times when Jazmine’s grandmother would promise to do better.

Time after-time Jazmine’s wound would be torn open again. When she was in middle school, as a means of protection, she shut down completely in regard to this relationship with her grandmother. She accepted the lack of a relationship, and made peace with it – after a decade of silent rejection, she remained polite and respectful, but the trauma didn’t end there.

When it was clear that Jazmine had moved on, and withdrew from this unhealthy relationship, her grandmother instantly took notice. While still in middle school, she was forced to maintain a relationship with a family member who didn’t really want a relationship with her.

Like many, Jazmine was left in the middle of family drama, carrying this burden. She was traumatized, conflicted and infuriated. Never was there an opportunity to fix the problem. 

While her parents had tried to keep the peace, when Jazmine’s 16th birthday approached, her father told her that she no longer needed to pursue that relationship anymore. He said that he would no longer force her to partake. 

It took years before Jazmine realized that her father had taught her a powerful lesson about tolerating emotional trauma, abuse, and mistreatment in relationships. If someone continues to inflict emotional trauma on you – step back, and love that person from a distance. You are not a punching bag. 

Children especially are so vulnerable in so many ways that we don’t always realize. As a parent, it’s a responsibility to recognize and protect our children from emotional, mental and physical abuse.

If a relative were to inflict pain on your children, it would be your responsibility to cut back on the access that said relative has on your kids. If you don’t advocate for your child’s emotional well being or model or what a healthy relationship should look and feel like, then who will?

The original article can be found at Madamnoire