girl in swim suit and in car
Brittany Hambleton
Brittany Hambleton
December 2, 2023 ·  3 min read

‘You’re the woman without a tribe. You, my dear, are not broken. People just don’t know how wonderful you are yet.’ You are not alone.

Some women seem to have it all. They’re stunningly beautiful, they have a successful career, and they have a supportive significant other. On top of that, they appear to move in a pack with their posse of equally as beautiful and successful women.

Without fail, every weekend brings photos and videos of this girl gang going to concerts, festivals, and clubs together, brunching together and cottaging together, all while taking an endless number of perfect candid shots with tags like #girlsquad and #mygirls.

If this describes you, and you are lucky enough to have a group of close girlfriends who you can call up at a moment’s notice to be by your side, then that is wonderful. You should feel blessed to have such a close-knit group of friends.

If this is not you, and you constantly find yourself watching these women, wondering why you don’t have what they have, please know that there is nothing wrong with you, and you are not alone.

‘The Girl Without a Tribe”

Harley Murphy wants you to know that you are not broken just because you don’t have a consistent group of girlfriends that you hang out with every weekend.

“It doesn’t make you odd or mean that you are not likable because you don’t hang out with the same people every week,” she says [1].

Instead, Murphy encourages all you “tribeless” women to look at this as a strength. You are independent, you make your own decisions and your own path. You know who you are and where you want to go, and you will continue down your own path whether people want to join you on that journey or not.

You may meet some people who want to walk beside you for a while, but who eventually leave your path to join another, and you may meet one or two special individuals who stay with you for your entire life. Whatever the case may be, there is nothing wrong with being the girl who migrates between friend groups.

Remember that having friends of all kinds can fill your life with color. Work friends who you only see at the office, childhood friends who you catch up with every few years, and friends you met while you were backpacking South America, all have a purpose. These friendships, while they may not be extraordinarily close, can provide warmth, happiness, and interest to your life.

In the same way, just because you are not a close confidant for someone else, doesn’t mean that you are not important to them, or that they don’t enjoy having you in their life. You also provide variety and color to other people’s lives, and there is immense value in that.

Close, lifelong friendships take time to develop, and perhaps there are people in your life who just don’t know how wonderful you are yet. Continue to be your true, authentic self, and the right people will recognize your value. These people will actively work to deepen your friendship and hold onto it for as long as possible.

“You dance to the beat of your own drum. If you make enough music, people will dance. They may dance with you for a season, or for your entire life.” [1]

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Focus on Those Who Matter

When you do find those people- those kindred spirits who want to dance to your music- make sure you nurture that relationship. Listen to their music as well, and try to be a part of their world as much as they are a part of yours. This does not mean comprising who you are but instead allowing that person to help you access parts of yourself that you didn’t even know existed.

True, lifelong friendships are much rarer than you might think, but when you develop them they provide you with countless benefits. When you find a friend who loves you for exactly who you are and celebrates you for all of your quirks, make sure that you, in turn, celebrate theirs. 

You may not have a posse of female friends following you wherever you go, but you do have something to offer, and your presence, friendship, and love, is valuable, so continue being unapologetically you. Celebrate and enjoy the relationships that you have, and those who see your value will celebrate with you.