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Sarah Biren
Sarah Biren
January 17, 2024 ·  7 min read

10 Reasons Why a Hot-Mess Mom Is the Best Friend Everyone Needs

She runs herself ragged every day trying to shuttle between getting the kids ready for school, preparing their lunch, serving them breakfast, getting ready for work, school runs, and actually gets to work looking decent. A ‘ hot-mess’ mom is one who never really figures out motherhood, but she can also be the best mother anyone can try to be.

She doesn’t try to be the super-mom who does everything right and has her kids participating actively in all possible extra-curricular activities. She doesn’t try to look perfectly manicured or make out the time she doesn’t have to go get those highlights touched up. Heck, she’s cool with flip-flops and a messy bun as long as she can make that last-minute trip to the grocery store before it closes for the day.

Having a hot-mess for a friend would leave you as exhausted as she is, but you’ll be truly happy nonetheless. Between spending half her day wondering whether it’s too late for coffee or too early for wine, she’ll always make out time to call you up and check up on you. She doesn’t pretend to be who she’s not because a fake life consumes energy, and that’s something she hasn’t got. A hot-mess mom doesn’t make other moms feel as though they are lagging behind in mommy duties, and she’s just the right boost for your mom-esteem. 

Here are 10 reasons why hot-mess moms are just the best [1]:

There’s no subtle competition anywhere

A lot of moms feel they have to compete with other moms over some non-existent ‘best mom’ title. This can get so exhausting that you’d rather just make friends with kids. At least, they wouldn’t make you feel like you always have to fight for something nobody’s going to win. 

A hot-mess mom lays it all out there. No competition; no fake life; no leveling up; no going out of her way and spending what she doesn’t have just to keep up a façade. She does exactly what she can do at every moment in time, and if her friends have more, she‘s happy for them. 

She won’t make you feel inferior

Everyone wants to be friends with a hot-mess mom because she’s easier to be around. You can let your guard down around her and talk about all the trials you’re facing at home and at work, and all she’ll feel sympathy and anger on your behalf [2]. She doesn’t make you feel like you’re not capable enough, but she’ll let you know that you’re doing your best and you just have to stay strong.

  She doesn’t make you feel shame about those twenty pounds of baby weight you haven’t lost. Heck, she probably lost hers from all the crazy running around she does. With her, you’ll learn to do things at your own pace and not because you’re expected to do them.

She’s not judgmental

It’ll be a classic case of ‘pot calling the kettle black’. A hot-mess mom is too busy trying to keep the chocolate/poop stain hidden to have any extra brain space to judge anyone. She won’t make you feel lousy for the little mistakes you make here and there, or those mom activities you’re not so good at. She understands what you’re going through and will always be a source of support and encouragement.

Many moms who manage to have everything together would usually act like they have superhero powers in their hair or lip gloss. The truth is, every mom is a superhero, none more than the other. Being friends with a mom who makes it a point of duty to call your out slacks will only bring toxicity and negativity into your life.

She’s all the perspective you’ll ever need

When you’re breaking into pieces and not sure what you’re doing wrong, stake out on your hot-mess friend. She’ll let you see things from a different angle and hopefully, you’ll come to terms with your confusions and setbacks. A hot-mess mom tells the truth as it is and with her, you can be certain that everything is real, unheated, and uncoated. 

She wants you to make the choices that work for you

 A hot-mess mom is a non-conformist, and she doesn’t have any time to try to live a life she can’t keep up with. With her, you’ll learn to do just as you wish. Trying to conform to any societal standards will only exhaust you, frustrate you, and turn you into someone even your own kids wouldn’t be proud of.

Whatever you want to do, as long as you believe it’s the right thing for you, do it. If you choose not to breastfeed for personal or medical reasons, then bottle-feed your baby without shame. If you want to breastfeed and your friends are all ‘team-perky’, do what you feel is right by your baby and stay proud of your body. Don’t let anyone shame you into making decisions you’ll regret for the rest of your life.

She hasn’t been consumed by motherhood

By social standards, a mom is supposed to dedicate a specific number of years to her children, letting her mom duties take over every free aspect of her life. While mothers are naturally inclined to give a large part of themselves to their kids, no mom should have to lose herself in the midst of her maternal duties. 

While a hot-mess mom will appear swallowed by her kids at first, she won’t let motherhood warp her mind or rewire her sense of reasoning. Even though she’s developed maternal instincts that will always help her prioritize her children before anything else, but she’s still an individual with a personality. 

Mistakes are thrown out in the open

The best friend a mom can have is one who isn’t ashamed to talk about her mistakes or shortcomings with her kids, spouse or career. Heck, she makes these flops all the time and she feels better talking about them. Being friends with a hot-mess mom means you’ll never have to be ashamed of any lapses in judgment or slacks in duty. She’ll encourage you to do better and keep going, but she’ll never judge you or act like she’s the almighty infallible mom whom you should emulate. 

You can talk about everything from giving your child a meal that didn’t sit right with him to disagreements with your partner. You can be certain she’ll listen, laugh, scold you, but none of that will be mocking or judgmental.

You can be yourself around her

A hot-mess mom doesn’t only wear her emotions and imperfection on her sleeve, but she also wears her exhaustion and frustrations all over her. She doesn’t try to mask her sleepless nights under bags of makeup or dress to-kill just so she can be the perfect mom. She doesn’t make up false stories about her kids’ achievements, and she certainly doesn’t try to purchase things she can’t afford just to level up.

If you’re friends with that hot-mess mom, you can always be who you are and be content with what you have. With her, you can discuss your flaws and weak points as a mom without any shame or fear of mockery. She loves you and will always protect your feelings.

You can be honest about your feelings

Your hot-mess friend doesn’t have a problem telling anyone that her one-year-old is boisterous and exhausting. She loves him to bits, of course, but he’s still pretty annoying. A lot of moms are never honest about their feelings toward anything in their lives. Everything has to sound perfect, or she just won’t talk about it at all.

You can tell your crazy mom friend about your relationship problems, your cheating partner, your delinquent kids, and your mean boss. You can tell her everything and be certain of some clean-shot advice from her. Even if she hasn’t got any immediate solution to the problem, you’ll feel better talking to someone and you two can work things out from there.

She’ll always be there for you

When it feels as if life has you down in ropes and strings, your hot-mess friend would move mountains to be the shoulder you’ll cry on. She may smell like onions or baby vomit, but you’ll find comfort either way. You can always rely on her to make out the time to be there when you need her. She probably owes you a lot of favors because she’s always in trouble, and even if she doesn’t, she’s more than happy to come for you when you need her.

Hot-mess moms are transparent, honest, and real people. They slack at everything and usually have to go crazy just to stay on track, but they are the best kind of friends every mom should have. 

  1. Danielle Campoamor. 10 Reasons A Hot Mess Mom Is The Best Friend Everyone Needs. Romper. https://www.romper.com/p/10-reasons-a-hot-mess-mom-is-the-best-friend-everyone-needs-20581. Retrieved 05-09-19
  2. Danielle Campoamor. 9 Things Every Mom Shouldn’t Be Afraid To Get Real About. Romper. https://www.romper.com/p/9-things-every-mom-shouldnt-be-afraid-to-get-real-about-14402. Retrieved 05-09-19