Whether responsibly or not, parents make the decision to bring children into the world who are dependent on them for many years. All parents want to provide for their children. They long to give them a stable environment, educational opportunities, and nourishing meals. But sometimes this well-intentioned desire backfires. Adult children assume that their parents would take up the responsibility forever and this spurs them to make outrageous requests long after they’ve left home .
“More often than not, heavily entitled individuals will make infeasible demands of others around them. This could include relatives, friends, colleagues, lovers, etc. When someone’s sense of entitlement is not adhered to as they would like, they sometimes lash at others. This is not to say that someone who gets angry over being wronged has a sense of entitlement; however, when someone’s disposition changes every time they fail to get their way, this is a clear indicator of entitlement.” says Khan
This sense of entitlement exhibited by these adults often leave their parents drained and emotionally depleted. On the one hand, they want their child to be happy. On the other hand, they live in fear of not doing enough to help their child get there. The truth, however, is that parents don’t owe their grown children anything .
In a blog post, Denise Yasmine talks about the misguided sense of entitlement many adults have in regard to their parents .
“I’m always blown away by the sheer sense of entitlement of many adult children have in regard to their parents. I recently caught up with a girlfriend whom I hadn’t seen in a while. We engaged in our usual girlish chatter, which eventually gave way to our obligatory, “How are your parents?” question. Little did I know, that question would open the floodgates for complaints.”
“My girl —who just like me, is knocking on 30s door— was in her feelings because her father had stopped paying her car note several months ago since he’s gearing up for retirement. I was stunned, not by the fact that her pops was still paying her car note, but by how ungrateful she sounded, ” wrote Denise.
The reality today is that many adults still think their parents are obligated to help them. They feel like their parents owe them their time, money and resources.
As an adult, it is important you know that your parents owe you absolutely nothing. If they offer to help you, always show gratitude. Thank them anytime they offer small gestures. Do not take advantage of it. They’ve done their jobs raising you. You are not entitled to their time. You are not entitled to their money. You are not entitled to their resources .
Lightening the burden
It’s time we realize that our parents are not going to be here forever. Instead of badgering them or stressing them out, we should be the one making things easier for them. Asking for a little help wouldn’t hurt anybody. We all need assistance from time to time, however, feeling entitled to it is wrong on all levels .
“Our parents are getting older with each passing day. They will not be here forever. Instead of being a constant source of stress and drama, we should be the ones lightening the load for them. They have already done their jobs of raising us. It’s okay to ask for and accept help but to act as if we’re somehow owed something is dysfunctional and manipulative. It’s time to grow up,” wrote Denise.
- Griffith, Linda. Adult kids need to grow up. Retrieved from
- https://www.sanluisobispo.com/living/family/linda-lewis-griffith/article39469218.html. 25 February 2014.
- Bernstein, Jeffrey. Dealing With Demanding, Dependent Adult Children. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/liking-the-child-you-love/201204/dealing-demanding-dependent-adult-children. 8 April 2012
- Denise, Jazmine. Dear Adult Children, Your Parents Don’t Owe You Anything. Retrieved from https://madamenoire.com/1077188/dear-adult-children-your-parents-dont-owe-you-anything/. 19 June 2019.
- Mason, Alexa. THE SPOILED ADULT CHILDREN EPIDEMIC: HAS IT AFFECTED YOU? Retrieved from https://thecollegeinvestor.com/9001/spoiled-adult-children-epidemic-affected/. 30 November 2016.
- Polyak, Ilana. When to cut off adult children who aren’t financial grown-ups. Retrieved from https://www.cnbc.com/2015/05/01/when-to-cut-off-adult-children-who-arent-financial-grown-ups.html. 1 May 2015.
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