friends at the ebach
Julie Hambleton
Julie Hambleton
August 11, 2020 ·  5 min read

I no longer sit at tables where I might be the topic when I get up

Have you ever been sitting at a table of women chatting when you realized that the entire conversation centered around gossiping about and putting down others? If you sat there thinking “well at least they’re not talking about me!” then you clearly haven’t thought about who they’re talking about when you’re not there.

Here’s the honest truth: if your friend group talks about other members of your group when they aren’t there, then they talk that way about you when you are absent, too. 

If you find yourself at a table like that, you should stand up, walk away, and never go back.

These Women Are Not True Friends

The conversations at these toxic tables are always centered around others’:

  • Shortcomings
  • Mistakes
  • Flaws
  • Imperfections

Let’s not forget to mention the gossip and cruel jokes made on those people’s behalf. Now if you’re reading this thinking “well, my friends do this, but they aren’t mean, it’s just for fun” let me ask you this:

How would you feel if you heard your friends speaking about you this way? Would you not rather be a part of a girl gang that is fiercely supportive of one another, rather than continuously tearing each other down behind closed doors?

You may be taught to believe that this is just the way women are, but I assure you this is false. Women can and should lift each other up. If your friend group does not do that, then it is time to get a new one.

The Kind of Women You Really Need in Your Life

Walking away from your friend group is hard, but the rewards when you choose instead to surround yourself with women who celebrate one another is worth it. Now that you are building your new circle, these are the qualities you want to look for in each of your new friends.


Women have much to overcome already, so we need to support each other 100%. The type of women you should be friends with aren’t only supportive of their friends, family, and loved ones, but they are supportive of all women – even those who are complete strangers. 

If you have a friend who is a cheerleader for her friends but talks poorly about other women, then the chances of her turning on you when she feels threatened or jealous by your success are pretty high. No, seek out women who pump others up always, and strive to be one yourself.


Sure, it’s fun to spend all of your Saturday nights going out with your friends and then laughing about your shenanigans the next day over brunch the next day, but every single weekend? Maybe it’s time to find friends who inspire you to do more – run that marathon, complete that yoga challenge, spend your weekend volunteering, travel. Friends who inspire you to fill your life with experiences and challenge you to grow and become a better person so that you can inspire others in return.


We all need people who we can go to with our problems who will listen to us thoroughly, think hard about what we’ve told them, and help us work through our hard times. Not much is worse than going to a friend with a problem only for them to respond with “oh, you think that’s hard? I’ve had it so much worse…”. No, you need women who will always answer when you call and give you their full attention. If they are unable at the time, they will let you know and call you back later when they can give you their undivided attention.


This one may seem scary to most of us, but sometimes spontaneous is good. Do you have a friend who:

  • Randomly shows up at your place with coffee?
  • Calls you on the way to a concert telling you to get dressed because you’re coming with them?
  • Decides on a Friday morning that you and the squad are going away for the weekend just to keep your life interesting?

These people are gems because they force you out of your comfort zone make you try new things, and allow you to just let your hair down and have some fun. Be grateful for these people, trust me.


We live in a world that is constantly telling women how they should look, act, and feel. We’re taught to be quiet, meek, and polite. We’re subtly told that if we don’t have a certain body type or clear skin we’re worthless. We’re told what to wear, how to act, what to eat and drink, and shamed no matter what we do. 

It takes a lot of confidence to be our authentic selves and live our lives the way we want to. Bold women who are daring enough to laugh in the face of society’s expectations for them are the kind of women you should have in your life. Their courage will rub off on you and you will live more freely.


Being constantly surrounded by people who complain, who talk about how awful this and that are, and who always point out the negative in every situation are exhausting. Stick to people who feel like light: they shine rays of positivity everywhere they go. They understand that bad things happen, but they also know that your mindset is a powerful tool for getting through those hard times. Find those women and learn from them.


No one likes a know-it-all. Women who are continuously seeking to learn -be it a new skill, a new language, or to understand a different culture or point of view – will open your mind as well. These women approach every new person as someone they can learn from, no matter what walk of life they are from. They see the value other people bring, and they will see yours, too.

The Bottom Line

Toxic “friendships” are a waste of your time and energy. Women that only wish to bring others down in order to feel better themselves are not worth any more of yourself than you have already given. Ditch this group and build one that will lift you up and assist and cheer you on through everything that life brings your way.

Read: Who Are Your Real Friends? Choose Quality Over Quantity