woman with ring on her finger
Julie Hambleton
Julie Hambleton
May 21, 2020 ·  3 min read

The Truth Is We Outgrow Those Who Don’t Know How To Love Us

No matter what type of relationship we have with someone – familial, friendship, or romantic relationship – we all want to feel seen, heard, and appreciated. We want to feel loved and respected. Above all else, we want to feel important to the people who we have decided are important to us. 

What happens when those people aren’t genuine with us? When, despite our best efforts to make the other person feel secure, we’re left feeling unwanted, unloved, and replaceable.

We outgrow the people who don’t love us the way that we deserve to be loved.

Genuine love is hard to come by. It’s even harder to find if we are wasting our time and attention on people who do not love us properly in return. 

These people take advantage of our loyalty and love without ever showing us that same loyalty in return. Their wants and desires always come ahead of ours, they will never inconvenience themselves to put a smile on our faces the way we do for them.

Sometimes we convince ourselves that we are the problem; that there is something wrong with us. We tell ourselves a whole list of lies:

  • We’re not good enough
  • We’re not smart enough
  • We’re not cool enough
  • We’re not attractive enough
  • We don’t have enough money

The list goes on and one. These are all falsehoods we’ve been led to believe by people who are too self-absorbed to see our value. These are the people we outgrow and leave behind.

Read: If You Love Someone, Tell Them, Because Life is Too Short to Take Your Time.

Our self-love trumps all

The truth is, it is not that those people are not capable of providing the love that we need, it’s that they choose not to. They deserve the exact amount of time and attention they have been giving you: none.

It’s time we all distance ourselves from those people. While it can be hard at first, once you are free of this vicious cycle of being continuously let down you will feel a weight lifted. Space between you and them will allow yourself to breathe, feel the sunshine, and remember your worth.

From that point on, you will never accept this fake love again. You will only give your heart and soul to people who will give you theirs in return. Together, you will nurture each other and help one another grow. 

Only fall for people who will catch you

You should never have to fight for someone’s love. You should never have to fight for someone’s time and attention. If someone requires you to “earn” their love on a daily basis, their love is not genuine. You can never please those people, and in turn you will never be happy yourself.

Repeat this phrase to yourself every day: 

“I am worthy of love and attention. Anyone who does not give this freely does not value me properly and is not worth my mental, physical, and emotional energy. I will not entertain these people and instead focus on giving my love to those who give it back unconditionally.”

You are worthy of love. You are worthy of people’s time and effort. Don’t give yours unless you are receiving it in return.

Keep Reading: 6 Hard Truths About Love