When we love others, we find ourselves forgiving them or making excuses for their bad behavior. Although everyone makes mistakes, dealing with toxic people takes a mental toll. These 9 traits are a few of the many examples of undesirable behaviors that it’s best to avoid.
1. Toxic people don’t care how others feel
Toxic people aren’t receptive to “criticism.” As such, they won’t listen to how their actions or behaviors impact those who love them.
Instead, they’ll change the subject, tell you to “stop talking,” or flat-out state they don’t care.
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2. Toxic People only Talk about Themselves
While people often turn to those they love when they’re struggling with life’s stresses, toxic people will talk only about themselves and won’t be supportive or open to hearing about your struggles.
3. Sarcasm Walks a Fine Line
While sarcasm is a staple of many senses of humor, toxic people take sarcastic jokes to another level. Their jokes are hurtful and relentless, and cause embarrassment or emotional damage.
Furthermore, according to Psychology Today, “Sarcasm is psychologically rooted in anger, distrust, and cowardice. People using sarcasm are angry or frustrated, don’t trust the other person (or themselves) to pull off speaking directly, and are often afraid to take the risk to express their true feelings.”
4. They Blame Others
Most people understand their actions, and Consequences, are entirely their responsibility to bear. However, toxic people will blame others for their misfortune and failed relationships.
“They are not yet able to take responsibility for their wounding, their feelings, their needs, and their subsequent problems in life,” explains Dr. Jodie Gale.
5. Toxic People Lie
Although most people occasionally tell white lies, harmless fibs, toxic people lie constantly and have to continue to lie to cover up their former lies. Lying often stems from insecurities but can also be a compulsion for those suffering from certain mental illnesses.
6. They Love to Brag
Celebrating ourselves, accomplishments and the people we love are some of life’s most joyous moments. However, toxic people rarely celebrate the successes of others. In contrast, they will gladly tell everyone about their accomplishments, status, or wealth, leaving little room for others to share exciting news.
7. They put others down
Toxic people often bully others into giving them what they want. It may be a tangible thing, an action you don’t feel comfortable performing, or for you to feel as insecure and self-doubting as they are. Either way, toxic people use their strong personalities, manipulation tactics, and the hope they’ll be able to make you doubt yourself to work for them. As a result, their treatment of others takes a mental toll on the people in their lives.
8. They Gossip
Toxic people, as previously mentioned, often have insecurities. Therefore, they’re judgmental and talk about others behind their backs in the hopes of seeming like a better or more desirable person than others.
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9. Toxic People Procrastinate
Although everyone tends to procrastinate sometimes, toxic people “make it an art.” They make empty promises and gestures, are always late, and never follow through when they’ve borrowed something from someone else.
How to Spot Undesirable Behaviors
Essentially, toxic people leave you feeling mentally exhausted and uncomfortable. They’re draining to nearly everyone who knows them. Moreover, they’re easy to spot if you listen to your body. For instance, does the thought of being around them make your stomach or head hurt? Does seeing them or talking about them make you feel anxious? If the answer is yes, then you’re well on your way to steering clear of toxic people.
In some cases, toxic people aren’t just an annoyance. They can become burdensome but also dangerous. Not only do they take a mental toll but they also typically have other mental health or personality disorders, which can make them volatile and unpredictable.
Tips to Deal with Toxic People
While a good rule of thumb is to avoid toxic people when possible and protect your peace of mind, it’s not possible to avoid all encounters with toxic people. As such, here are some expert recommendations for addressing an encounter or conversation with a toxic person.
- Don’t Argue with them. Instead, say something like That’s an interesting perspective, I had a different take on that.”
- Offer compassion while establishing boundaries. Essentially, be supportive if you feel comfortable, but don’t “come to their rescue” if they’re in a bind and you’re in the midst of your own schedule or stressful situations.
- Don’t be afraid to say no.
- Make yourself unavailable in advance. Start conversations with things like “I have a big work project so I won’t have much free time in the coming weeks/months.
- Change your routine so they won’t be able to track where you are at all times.
- Shut down gossipy conversations and oversharing with something like “I prefer not to talk about that when I’m at work.” Alternately, “I prefer to relax on my time off and discuss work matters at work.”
- Encourage them to get professional treatment or counseling for their toxic traits, presuming they’re open to bettering themselves. If not, avoid confrontation as it can potentially put you or someone else in a dangerous or harmful situation.
There are a handful of resources for toxic people to get the treatment they need. However, they have to recognize they need help, and they have to want to improve their mental health and the way they treat others. The good news is the support is out there when they’re ready.
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Sources
- “What’s a Toxic Person and How to Deal with Them.” Psyche Central. Kimberly Drake. November 15, 2021.
- “9 Habits of Toxic People.” Bustle Elizabeth Enochs Feb. 19, 2016.
- Do’s and Don’ts for Dealing with Toxic Behavior. Healthline Crystal Reypole November 21, 2019.