For many people, being in a relationship is a central part of their life goals and plan. After all, it’s what we see most often in music, TV, movies, books, and more: Relationships, relationships, relationships. Unfortunately, the desire to be in a relationship often leads people to overlook red flags in their potential partners. This can lead to all kinds of problems and emotional damage. This is particularly present for those who find themselves with manipulative partners who employ dark psychology to distort reality and control their partner. Knowing the signs of this can help you to dodge (or get yourself out of) potentially abusive and unfulfilling relationships.
5 Dark Psychological Tricks Manipulative People Play on their Partners
Relationships can be a beautiful journey filled with love, support, and understanding. However, some individuals resort to manipulative tactics to control and dominate their partners. Understanding these psychological tricks can help one spot them early on and address them effectively. Let’s explore five common manipulation tactics used in relationships and how to recognize and handle them.
Love Bombing
Love bombing is a manipulation tactic where one shower their partner with excessive affection, attention, and declarations of love in the initial stages of a relationship. This technique aims to create an emotional dependency and make the partner feel overwhelmed by the sudden outpouring of love. Love bombers often use flattery, romantic gestures, and constant communication to build a sense of euphoria and attachment. For example, they might bombard their partner with grandiose gestures or overwhelm them with constant declarations of love and commitment, creating a false sense of security. However, this behavior can quickly turn toxic as the love bomber’s intentions may not align with genuine feelings of love and care.
Often in the case of love bombing, the manipulator uses these gestures to reel you in. After all, how could you say no to someone who is showering you with so much love? Later, however, they will pull out the rug from underneath you. They will start treating you poorly, or pulling away, or even verbally, emotionally, or physically abusing you. You, the victim, however, will feel like it is your fault, as though you did something to change their behavior towards you. You will then start working overtime to try and ‘earn back’ their love. Unfortunately, their love was never something you had in the first place.
“It’s a basic, fundamental human need to feel attached,” said pyschologist Annie Wright. “When something happens that threatens that attachment, we organize ourselves in ways to try to get that attachment back.”
Gradual Belittlement
Gradual belittlement is a subtle form of emotional manipulation where one partner undermines the other’s self-esteem and confidence over time. This tactic involves making disparaging remarks, subtle criticisms, or dismissive comments to chip away at the target’s self-worth. The manipulator may use gaslighting techniques to make the victim doubt their perceptions and reality, leading to feelings of inadequacy and inferiority. An example of gradual belittlement could be a partner consistently downplaying their significant other’s achievements, making them feel incompetent and unworthy. Over time, this tactic can lead to a skewed power dynamic in the relationship, with the manipulator gaining control through psychological manipulation. Just as with love bombing, you will be constantly be striving to ‘earn’ their love and admiration. Unbeknownst to you, this is a completely unattainable goal.
Isolation from Others
Another common manipulation tactic is isolating the partner from their support network of friends, family, and colleagues. The manipulator may insist on spending all their time alone with the partner, excluding others from their social circle. For example, you may suggest going to get drinks with your friends, so your partner can get to know them. They may respond with ‘oh, I thought it could be just us tonight’. You may think this is cute – aww, they just want to spend time with me! How in love they must be! The reality of the motivation for this is not cute at all. By isolating the victim, the manipulator gains control over their partner’s emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. This tactic creates a dependence on the manipulator for social interaction, gradually cutting off external sources of support and validation. If one notices their partner constantly avoiding social gatherings or discouraging interactions with friends and family, it could be a red flag for this form of manipulation.
Illusion to Better Options
Illusion to better options is a manipulation tactic where one partner constantly alludes to the existence of superior alternatives, making their significant other feel replaceable and inadequate. This tactic instills fear, insecurity, and a sense of competition within the relationship, keeping the victim in a constant state of uncertainty and doubt. For instance, a manipulator might discuss the attractive qualities of others or compare their partner unfavorably to fictitious ideal partners, inducing feelings of jealousy and insecurity. In many cases this person is a real person that exists in yours and/or your partner’s life. They could be a coworker, a waitress at your favorite restaurant, even a friend or friend’s partner. By creating this illusion of better options, the manipulator maintains power and control over their partner’s emotions and decisions.
One-Sided Truth
In manipulative relationships, one partner may monopolize the truth, presenting their version of events as the only valid narrative. This tactic involves distorting facts, omitting crucial information, or gaslighting the victim to manipulate their perception of reality. The manipulator undermines their partner’s credibility and autonomy by imposing their version of the truth as the ultimate reality. If one partner feels gaslit, constantly invalidated, or unable to express their opinions without facing backlash, it could be a sign of this insidious manipulation tactic.
Recognizing and Addressing Manipulative Behaviors
If you notice any of these manipulation tactics in your partner, it is crucial to prioritize your well-being and address the issue promptly. Communicate your concerns, set boundaries, seek support from trusted friends or a therapist, and consider seeking professional help if necessary. Remember that healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, trust, and open communication. Do not hesitate to seek help and prioritize your mental and emotional health in any relationship.
While no partner or relationship is perfect, these behaviors can signal problems that will only continue to grow. If you are unsure, talk to your friends and family about some of the behaviors of your partner or the things that they say to you. Hash out situations with your parent, sibling, coworker, or friend and see what they say. Again, seek out the advice of a professional if you are unsure. If it is determined that this relationship is dangerous to your health, be it emotional, mental, or physical, seek out the help of others in order to get yourself out of that situation. Enlist the help of the authorities, if need-be. Remember, while relationships are not always easy, at the center of them there should always be mutual love and respect. If you feel as though you are fighting for the love and respect of your partner, chances are there is something more sinister going on.
The Bottom Line
In conclusion, understanding the dynamics of manipulative behaviors in relationships is essential for maintaining a healthy and fulfilling partnership. By being aware of these psychological tricks and knowing how to spot and address them, individuals can safeguard themselves from falling victim to emotional manipulation and control. Trust your instincts, prioritize your well-being, and strive for relationships based on equality, respect, and genuine love.
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