A surprising video has brought a new awareness about menopause and what it feels like. Tracey Monique posted a video of herself sitting at a sports game at night while experiencing a menopausal hot flash. The dark background and overhead light illuminate a cloud of steam rising from her head. Despite the clear discomfort, Monique smiles and jokes with her friend. Meanwhile, men and anyone who hasn’t experienced menopause are shocked, and fellow menopausal women feel vindicated.
What is Menopause?
Menopause is a normal stage of life for women. It’s a time when the body stops getting periods and can no longer get pregnant. However, the stage lasts for two to eight years. While some women have mild or no symptoms, some suffer through many. These can include difficulty sleeping, painful intimacy, urinary issues, trouble concentrating, discomfort in muscles and joints, irritability, mood swings, weight gain, and of course, hot flashes.
It’s Not That Bad, Right?
Most people have heard about menopause even if they haven’t experienced it firsthand. After all, it’s a normal phase for aging women, so individuals may see their mothers, grandmothers, or other loved ones experience it. But while women may complain about symptoms like hot flashes, it’s easy to minimize the discomfort. After all, everyone gets hot and sweaty sometimes, whether from hot weather or exercise. And it’s one thing to hear someone describe the experience, but it’s another to see actual steam coming from her head.
“I Can Feel This Video!”
The response to the video was overwhelmingly supportive of Monique and anyone going through menopause. One comment read, “I gotta call my mom and apologize for making fun of her.”
Meanwhile, menopausal and post-menopausal women felt validated by the physical representation of a hot flash. “Every woman in menopause and peri-menopause is gonna be grateful for this video,” wrote another commenter. Similarly, some responses expressed eagerness to share this awareness. “I’m showing this to my husband!” reads another comment. “He doesn’t understand hot flashes! I can FEEL this video!”
Monique responded humbly to the replies, saying, “I thank God for using me to make people laugh and bring awareness to the world that women go through hot flashes for real.”
An Outsider’s Guide to Menopause
About half of the world’s population is female, and yet there is little understanding and awareness about women’s health issues, including menopausal symptoms. Therefore, women experiencing it may feel frustrated and invalidated by the people around them. But although doctors have yet to fully understand the science behind this stage of life, they can list the difficult side effects that can come with it. Men and younger people who learn about menopause can better support their loved ones going through the experience.
Expect a Long Duration
Remember, menopause isn’t the flu that females “get over”. It’s more of a marathon. First comes perimenopause, which can last for a long time, and it can include the effects of periods alongside menopause. “For many years of perimenopause, you can get your period any time — 10 days after you just had one, or 120 days after you just had one,” explains 54-year-old writer Mary Esselman to Healthline. “It’s a guessing game. It’s also sometimes spotting, sometimes a geyser.”
Validate Her Emotions
Menopause is not just about the end of the fertile years; it marks the end of youth for many women, which can lead to feelings of grief. “Even if no one wants more children, menopause can still represent a certain loss of youth and potential that may strike your wife as sad,” says Gail Saltz, MD, author of The Ripple Effect: How Better Sex Can Lead to a Better Life. On WebMD, she recommends partners to “try to imagine yourself reaching some biologic milestone that changes your body — and how you might feel about it. By standing in her shoes, you’ll be better able to be supportive about the changes.“
Be Patient With Mood Swings
If a menopausal woman becomes irritable or uncharacteristically angry, know the feeling isn’t aimed at you. So instead of acting defensive, validate her feelings and offer enjoyable activities like watching her favorite show or going on a walk. When she’s calm, speak about strategies to help her manage the mood swings. Just remember her outbursts are not personal.
Expect Physical Changes
The end of periods is only one physical shift occurring during this time. The hormonal changes can lead to weight gain despite no dietary changes, headaches, and more. And menopause comes alongside aging, which can come with wrinkles, sagging skin, graying hair, etc. So alongside the physical discomfort, women often feel self-conscious about their bodies and new appearance. Their loved ones can help boost their confidence by complimenting them and encouraging them to keep up with activities that make them feel good about themselves, such as favorite hobbies and exercise.
Keep Up the Romance
The physical changes with aging may make women feel self-conscious during intimacy, so partners should assure them they are still attractive and desirable. Additionally, vaginal dryness can lead to pain during penetration, so keep open communication during intimacy and find a lubricant that helps. And keep up the love outside of the bedroom. “A romantic dinner or holding hands on a walk can make a big difference in her view of both herself and the two of you as a couple,” says Saltz.
Don’t Be Afraid to Talk About Menopause
Many men are uncomfortable around topics like menopause, but avoiding the topic forces their partners to suffer alone. So don’t be afraid to discuss it and ask how to help ease her symptoms and reduce her stress. Additionally, some women need encouragement to speak to a doctor about treatment for severe symptoms. It can be difficult to watch loved ones struggle, especially for a long time, but surrounding them with love, support, and validation can make a big difference in their journey.